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November 28th, 2009: Guiding your baby - www./www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/your_kids/babies_guiding.shtml
It's a learning curve
A young baby is unable to work out that crying can annoy you and they can't decide to stop because you're upset or angry.
When your baby touches the video or TV controls, it's because they're exploring and trying to learn how things work - they've no idea it might irritate adults.
Even as your baby gets a little older, she'll still have a very short memory. Once something has happened, it's 'over' for babies. They won't remember that yesterday you told them not to do a particular thing.
It's natural for babies to be curious about the world around them. They'll do most exploring by touch and can't resist touching TV sets, photo frames, ornaments or anything within reach. 'Baby proofing' your home is a good way to prevent accidents and help you keep your sanity in their early exploring days. See our feature Keeping baby safe.
Key points about guiding your baby
It's not possible to 'spoil' young babies - when they cry they need immediate attention, so don't hold back.
Babies cannot be 'naughty' in the sense of doing things on purpose to upset you.
Under-ones do not have very long-term memories. Just because you told your baby yesterday not to do something, it doesn't mean she won't be tempted to try it over and over again today - she simply can't help herself. She may be interested in your reaction... over and over again.
If you want to stop your baby doing something, the best way is quickly to distract and divert her on to a different activity. If you offer a toy, she should happily hand over the keys you need. If you take her to the window to see what's happening outside, she'll quickly forget that the video was her next adventure. If your baby is trying to eat your cat's food, pick her up and offer something more suitable!
Actions always speak loudest. Distraction works better than shouting, telling off or smacking.
Introducing limits and guiding
As babies get a bit older - about nine months to one year - you can start to guide them. You can begin to teach your baby the behaviour you expect and the difference between right and wrong. Even when your baby begins to understand what is meant by "no", she won't always do what you want. She won't really understand how others feel for a long time yet, and can't work out that what she's doing could make you cross - so there's absolutely no point in punishments.
Praise your baby - she still won't understand why certain things seem to upset you. Giving plenty of praise and attention to the behaviour you do like and want to encourage works better than telling off about behaviour you don't like. If you have to say "no", keep it to times when you need a quick reaction - for example, when your child is about to touch something hot. If you say "no" a lot your baby will get used to it and won't react. Remember, babies will think "no" is a game if you end up laughing when you say it.
Be consistent - keep rules and limits the same from day to day. Build routines, such as regular mealtimes and bedtimes; these help your baby understand what you want.
Be positive - your baby will learn how to behave and get on with others by copying you. Here's your chance to teach your child how to be kind and friendly just by being that way yourself.
Keep a sense of humour - it can be hard to be amused when you see your keys being thrown down the toilet, or the toilet roll being unravelled halfway around the house. Your patience will be tested when your baby goes back to the TV knobs for the 100th time, or tips the vegetable purée on the floor. Where possible, try to see the funny side of your older baby's antics. Take a photo and think about saving up these memories to share at your child's 18th birthday party. Remember, this phase is over all too soon.
Be realistic
Don't expect too much, too soon. It's normal for a six-month-old baby to mess about with food, and it's normal for a baby enjoying being on the move to want to touch everything. Babies will make lots of 'mistakes' because of their immaturity and lack of experience, it's all part of how they learn.
All children gradually need to have limits set for them. It's never OK, for example, to bite a brother or sister or to pull a friend's hair.
For some babies it's enough to say "don't touch the video" or "please stop doing that". Others will have to be physically lifted away. Always explain why the behaviour is not OK.
Remember, your baby learns by trial and error. She doesn't know behaviour will annoy you. She only thinks "if I try doing this I wonder what will happen", not "if I do it, I can make mummy and daddy mad".
Quick tip
Guiding and setting limits is not the same as punishment - it's gradual teaching about how to behave, and it all takes time.
October 14th,2009, From BBC News / Health website:
Parents 'doubt cot death risks'
Half of cot deaths are linked to bed-sharing but many parents are sceptical about the risk, studies have concluded.
A quarter of 500 mothers polled by the UK's Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (FSID) doubted that sharing a bed with a baby put them at undue risk.
But a Bristol University team's study published online in the British Medical Journal found that co-sleeping is a factor in more than 50% of cases.
Many of the deaths occurred when parent and infant slept together on a sofa.
"We know that those at greatest risk of experiencing a cot death are very young mums, often single, and still in their teens, and this group is the most likely to reject safe sleep advice " Joyce Epstein of FSID
Much of this risk was linked to parents' smoking and alcohol or use of sedating drugs before bedtime.
A fifth of the cot death infants were found with a pillow and a quarter were swaddled, which may be new risk factors, say the authors.
Although cot death rates in the UK have fallen dramatically since the "Back to Sleep" campaign in the early 1990s, specific advice is still needed to help reduce these deaths even further, say the Bristol University researchers.
REDUCING THE RISK
Place your baby on the back to sleep, not on the front or side
Don't let your baby get too hot - no bonnets
Sleep your baby with their feet to the foot of the cot
Never sleep with your baby on a sofa or armchair
Sharing a bed raises the risk, especially if you or your partner smokes, drinks or takes sedating drugs
A dummy can reduce the risk, even if the dummy falls out while your baby is asleep
"Parents need to be advised never to put themselves in a situation where they might fall asleep with a young infant on a sofa."
And they should never sleep with an infant in any environment if they have consumed alcohol or drugs, the team warned.
But they said some parents might still want to share a bed with their baby, particularly if they needed to feed their infants many times in the night, and that this practice should not be demonised.
It could lead to increased numbers of tired parents nodding off on their sofa with their baby, they warned.
FSID's director, Joyce Epstein, said the findings were alarming.
"We know that those at greatest risk of experiencing a cot death are very young mums, often single, and still in their teens, and this group is the most likely to reject safe sleep advice."
The charity has launched a social networking website, www.bubbalicious.co.uk, aimed at supporting teenage parents.
Findings challenged
However, Rose Dodds, of the National Childbirth Trust, said the study had found that there was no increased risk of bed-sharing for babies whose parents had not drunk alcohol, taken drugs, smoked, or fallen asleep on the sofa.
She said: "It is not appropriate to tell all parents not to sleep with their babies.
"It is clear from many surveys that around half of parents sleep with their babies at some point in the first six months, and around a quarter do so routinely, so we need to help them to do this in the safest way possible.
"If we demonise the parents' bed we may be in danger of the sofa being chosen. A better approach may be to warn parents of the specific circumstances that put babies at risk."
The FSID poll findings are published in Community Practitioner.
Monday 19th October, 2009
Here's a couple of interesting articles that we found in today's press. The first is a Q&A about microwave use to heat baby meals. The second introduces a gadget newly available in the UK, that allows parents to track their children via a mobile 'phone.
DOING YOUR BEST FOR YOUR BABY'S DIET:
Q: My friend is very health-conscious. Since her baby boy started on solids, she cooks quantities of chicken, meat and vegetables, divides it into meals in ice-cube trays and freezes it. She takes some out of the freezer every day and thaws it for her little boy's meals. What's a bit worrying is that my friend heats every meal in the microwave, which means everything her little boy eats has been microwaved. Could there be any danger in this, or am I worrying unnecessarily?
NUTRITION ADVISOR REPLIES:
A: Microwaving foods can help to maintain their nutrient value because they heat food rapidly and don't require added water. Retention of heat-sensitive and water-soluble vitamins, in particular B vitamins and vitamin C, is better compared with other methods such as boiling, where water-soluble vitamins are often thrown away with the water.
Most health professionals don't advise heating foods in a microwave for babies or young children. This is because microwaves can heat food unevenly and form hot spots, which could cause scalding. This means that one spoonful of a food could be cold, while the next spoonful could burn a baby's mouth. Allowing one or two minutes standing time for the heat to even out and stirring foods before feeding will reduce the risk of hot spots, but other cooking methods are usually advised for young children.
Any cooking method that minimises the time, temperature, and amount of water needed will help to preserve nutrients, so steaming, stir frying and baking will help to preserve the vitamin content.
Parents also need to be careful about defrosting foods for babies and young children in the microwave if foods are not going to be cooked and eaten straight away. When food is defrosted in the microwave it can get warm enough to allow harmful bacteria to grow.
It is also important to ensure that containers are labelled as "microwave safe" as there has been concern about the possibility of some plastic containers not intended for use in the microwave melting and potentially leaking chemicals into foods.
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Anna Maxted tests a new device that enables parents to track their child via satellite from a computer or mobile 'phone.
Published: 19 Oct 2009
Testing the NuM8 GPS
The last time I mislaid a child - my four-year old, in the park, for 15 endless minutes - I wished unashamedly that he could be chipped, like the cat.
When Steve Salmon's young daughter vanished during a family pub lunch (later found petting a pony in the adjacent field), he doubtless wished the same thing. Two years on, Salmon, chief executive of communications firm Lok8u, has launched the equally tongue-twisting NuM8, the world's first GPS locator for children.
To all appearances, it's a chunky, child-friendly wristwatch, worn by the subject, that enables the fond parent to track their darling via satellite from a computer or mobile 'phone. But this is not a gadget for the morally squeamish. Behind the bright colours - choose from aqua blue, hot pink and lime green, or neutral black - the rubber strapf contains a "web of reinforced steel". If anyone - rebellious child or dastardly adult - attempts to remove the locator from its assigned wrist, Mummy or Daddy is alerted from their cappuccino via text.
According to the charity Missing Persons, formerly National Missing Persons Helpline, an estimated 140,000 children and young people run away or go missing every year in the United Kingdom. This, coupled with mothering three boys, has eroded my principles. I cannot wait to tag my kids.
Guilt forces me to opt for full disclosure. I tell the seven-year-old, "This is like a Ben 10 watch. You wear it, and I track you, like the police track baddies who try to escape from prison."
Happily, as the NuM8 is a "wrist device", not an asbo-style ankle lock, Oscar is touchingly thrilled, imagining himself a secret agent on a mission, as opposed to, say, a burglar under house arrest.
I hunch over my phone in the park café, compulsively following the blue balloon on the screen's Googlemap that proves that Oscar is safe beyond the trees, racing down the hill on his scooter without a helmet.
It's a luxury to sit for five minutes and know that one's offspring has not been dragged out of the park by a predator or, more likely, wandered off with a friend. I know he is fine, because my husband has marked a "safe zone" on the map - if Oscar breaches the park perimeter, I receive a warning text, and 'live tracking' will commence. I can also text WRU - which I imagine is lazy, SMS-speak for "Where are you?" - at any time, and the device will send me his coordinates.
Yet, as the locator doesn't record heights, there's always the chance that he might climb a tree - and, sipping espresso while staring at the screen balloon on my phone, if he fell out, I'd be none the wiser until the ambulance arrived. Suddenly, I feel NuM8's reassurance is insufficient. I'm ready to step surveillance up a level. Might I suggest the next generation wristwatch comes with a hidden micro-camera, angled at my child's face?
This may be why, when I describe my new toy to Honor Rhodes, director of development at the Family and Parenting Institute, she is unimpressed.
"Is this," she says, "a symptom of panic-stricken but lazy parenting? I wonder what it is that we are trying to guard against, and I think it is that we don't want our child to be Madeleine McCann. While that was so terrible, the worst thing that could possibly occur, it happens incredibly rarely. Your child is more likely to be struck by lightning."
Against the dreadful but minute possibility of abduction stands the child's right to explore, says Rhodes. "Children need to wriggle out of from under the parents' gaze and encounter the world in their own way. Children like a bit of risk, and part of our job as parents is to be able to bear this rather than respond, because we can, with a bit of kit."
Rhodes is correct, of course. But, I empathise with Salmon's "blind panic", on realising his eight-year-old had vanished. At such a moment, you'd sell your soul to ensure your child's safety.
Rhodes remains unmoved. "Could we not find better ways to keep our children safe that are about our relationship? If your children aren't chipped and pinned, you have to talk to them about where they can and can't go. Parenting is about negotiating and relinquishing degrees of control, so that by the time your child is a young teenager, they can make their way in the world."
I may have to resort to words whether I like it or not, for while the software works, it is slow - not quite 24, more like 12. I am a technological halfwit, and Salmon emphasises that the locator is an 'extension' to, not a replacement for, parenting. Yet an 18-month contract (£4.99 per month subscription) for a safety aid dependent on a mobile 'phone signal and a charged battery has its flaws.
My resolve is tested when the three-year-old disappears into a school playground. He eventually turns up, happy and breathless, after a game of chase with the big children. I say sternly: "I didn't know where you were, and I was frightened. Do not run off again!"
He apologises, then speeds out of sight. One day, I fear, I'm going to have to trust him.
* The NuM8 GPS is available from £149.99 (plus monthly subscription). Stockists: www.lok8u.com
Source: Telegraph online
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